Cruel Reality
by ChibiJazRide
Summary: I don't want to wake up. My imagination is better than my reality. Why can't I always stay here? Within the walls of my own realm? Everything is so peaceful here… everything is perfect… Nothing can stop me… nothing can hurt me… Prucan; character death


**Cruel Reality**

_I don't want to wake up. My imagination is better than my reality. Why can't I always stay here? Within the walls of my own realm? Everything is so peaceful here… everything is perfect…  
><em>_Nothing can stop me… nothing can hurt me… and I'm not the ignored extra…_

"I'm sorry sir, but he's comatose." The doctor's voice rang in my head. How was he comatose…? No. NO! This can't be happening!

I ran a hand through my hair, trying to keep back tears. I shoot a glance around the waiting room, his brother was already on the floor crying, boyfriend trying to comfort him with a tight hug. Over to the other side Francis, had a blank unbelieving look frozen on his face.

This… this couldn't be real could it?

_Laughing gleefully, I plopped down onto the ground. I don't remember ever really laughing like in my reality, only dry, fake chuckles. I've never felt real happiness.  
><em>_All around me, the grass swayed gently in the breeze. Why can't real life be this calm and beautiful?  
><em>_I know all of this isn't real… but I don't care if it's not anymore…  
><em>_This… this place is my escape from the pain…_

"Doctor!" My deep voice cracked as I followed him down the hall trying to get his attention. He'd left the room, but I wanted more answers. He _couldn't_ die! He just couldn't!

"Yes? What can I do for you?" He turned and looked me, I could see pity in his eyes. Was his situation really that bad…?

"Wh- Ca-can you tell what caused it? An overdose, withdrawal, anything at all?" I mentally cringed at my falter at the beginning.

The doctor nodded. "It seems it was… self-induced… I'm sorry, but that's all I really know at this point."

I took a shaky breath, closing my eyes. "S-self induced…?"

_This place… I feel emotions I've never felt before…  
><em>_I slowly stood up and grabbed an apple from a nearby tree that was hanging on the lowest branch. It was so red and perfectly round. Taking a bite, it was crisp, clean tasting. Better than reality…  
><em>_But I feel that something is missing…_

"Self… induced…" Frustrated, I turned away and angrily make my way back to everyone else. Why would he do that? Are we not good enough? Could he not notice… not notice that I… love him… "God, why?"

Silent tears made their way down my face as I slumped down into a chair. A hand on my shoulder made me look up. It was his brother, tears visible and eyes already puffy.

"I know you love him, we all do."

I just shook my head. "No, you're his brother you have a right to be sad… Me? I'm not family, just a friend." I quickly rubbed at my tears, I don't want to seem weak.

He nodded understanding. I'd never told him I loved him… it was my own mistake. "I'll let you go in after me ok?"

I just nodded covering my head with my hands.

_Reality is so cruel. My own realm is better.  
><em>_Although I'm all alone here, I feel at peace. And nothing can ruin that.  
><em>_I only have one regret… but I still don't want to wake up. Only if he could join me somehow… but he doesn't love me back, I know that._

Slowly, I walked into his room. My eyes widened. He looked like he was sleeping. A peaceful smile on his face.

I sat down in a chair next to the bed, silently moving my hand to brush away hair from his forehead. Self-induced, that phrase kept echoing in my head. "Why did you do this to yourself…? Your family cares about you… _I _care about you…"

_I'm not ever going to wake up again. One less burden to the world.  
><em>_My only regret, is not telling you how I feel… But we'll meet again. I hope we do, and when that happens, I'll gladly tell you I love you. Even if you don't love me back, I'll be content just having you know. But for now, I'll stay alone in my own little paradise remembering that weird laugh of yours, and the way your smile always reached your eyes. I might never have been happy or content, but with you I always was. And before I slip away forever… I just have to say…_

I watched his face carefully. He had to get better, he just had to! And once he does we'll go out to eat, and then the park. And… hopefully… I'll ask him out. He has to wake up!

"Please… we all just want you to be okay… I just… want you to be o-" A shrill long beep cut me off. No, wait, that… no… NO!

"No… Please don't die on me! No!" I watched helplessly as a doctor rushed in along with everyone else. I just sat there frozen, yelling at the calm face that wasn't breathing.

"Wake up! Please! You aren't dead!" Tears streamed down faster on my face. My voice cracked and rose higher, as someone pulled me out of the doctor's way. "PLEASE DON'T DIE! BIRDIE COME ON! DON'T LEAVE! Please… just… don't leave me…"

Crying, I looked at the doctor; he shook his head, glancing down. He was gone… he died. I collapsed on the floor, it felt like my heart had been ripped out…

"Mattie… please… please come back…" Behind me everyone was crying louder, harder than before. "I-I love you, Mattie… I love you so… much…"

_I love you, Gilbert… I love you… so much…_


End file.
